No Shame In Their Game On ST. Patrick’s Day

Scene: Tyrone Tourette, known as TS (cousin of Bobby Tourette), is having drinks and conversing at an Iris Pub called Slimery Otoole. Tyrone Tourette and Catrina Schizophrenia give some background information on themselves. Nicky NLD is waiting for the story to be told on how St.Patrick’s Day got started.  Tyrone Tourettes, before he gets too much green beer in his system, will tell the story. Nicky NLD is running out of patience.

Tyrone Tourette:

Nicky,  look at how crowded Slimery Otoole is tonight. It’s jammed packed. Tyrone is going to take you on his TS tour. I’ll Take You There just like the Staple Singers and tell you how St. Patrick’s Day came into existence.

Nicky NLD:

Tyrone are you sure you don’t want me to tell the story?

Tyrone Tourette:

Why should you tell the story?

Nicky NLD:

Once your tics kick in, it could get messy.

Catrina Schizophrenia:

What are Tics?

Tyrone Tourette:

Catrina Schizo, I have this neurological disorder where people describe me as having strange body movement over and over.  Some people have this image in their head of me having involuntary movement and making noises called tics. I don’t like to be stereotyped.

Catrina Schizo:

I feel you on that one Tyrone. I have this severe brain disorder that disables me from being able to carry out my life. People try to stereotype me and say that I hear voices others don’t hear. They say I believe other people are reading my mind, controlling my thoughts, and I’m plotting to harm someone.

Tyrone Tourette:

Catrina Schizo that IS what you do.

Catrina Schizo:

Wait a minute Tyrone… The key word is I MAY do these things… MAY, okay?

Tyrone Tourette:

Let me get your key and unlock your door. You are talking to Tyrone baby, I know what you do.

Nicky NLD;

Come on TS,  ease up off of Catrina  Schizo. This is a big deal for her. Remember we use to force her to talk. We knew when she didn’t take her medication and wasn’t in therapy.  I did not like seeing her in a catatonic state. She shut down as tight as a drum and was upset about it. I mean agitated.

Tyrone Tourette:

Look at you Nicky NLD, using analogies. I remember when you didn’t do double meanings.

Nicky NLD:

I have gotten better. As long as the person who uses the analogy explains it right away.  I won’t get lost in the conversation. Are you going to tell the story or not?

Tyrone Tourette:

Be patient Nicky NLD. I want people to know some things about me and Catrina Schizo. There is no shame in our game.

Nicky NLD:

You are right. People learned about me in the Who In The World Is NLD. Go ahead, man. Do your thang.

Tyrone Tourette:

Tourette’s syndrome (TS) is noticed around 7-10 years of age. It shows no prejudice. Tourette’s syndrome can affect anyone. Men are affected three times more than women. It can last a lifetime. In one’s teens, it can get butt-ugly. Later on, they may improve in the late teens on into their adulthood.

Catrina Schizo:

I want to learn more about your motor tics.

Tyrone Tourette:

Sure, sometimes they are simple motor tics. These are brief and I don’t use a lot of muscles. I can have eye blinking, making faces (grimaces),  jerking the head or shoulders or shrugging shoulders. With vocalizing tics I will clear my throat repetitively, sniffing, making grunting sounds, or barking. I use more muscle with complex tics. You can get the combo like at McDonald. I can make faces, twist my head and shrug my shoulders. There are times when people think that I’m doing the other complex tics on purpose. These are hopping, jumping, bending, sniffing, twisting, and touching objects. There are times when I have phrases of words that sound like jibber-jabber. It can get really bad if I do harm to myself and I punch myself in the face, or the cursing (coprolalia) or echolalia (repeating word or phrases of others).  Who do you know that does that hopping around thing?  Don’t answer that. That is another story another day.

Catrina Schizo:

I bet people think you are crazy.

Tyrone Tourette:

How are you going to call somebody crazy?  Are you sure this is me you are talking to and not someone you think you see or hear?

Catrina Schizo:

Do you really want to find out if I’m violent are not? You know, I have grown pretty fond of you. Sometimes we have the tendency to hurt the ones we are closest to.

Tyrone Tourette:

Girl, don’t make me unfriend you and push the button. I do have a Facebook account and I will Tweet you out.

Nicky NLD:

Is your collar on that shirt too tight around your neck? I hope your shirt is the right size. The last time you had neck tics.

Tyrone Tourette:

It’s all good. The last time I had tried to suppress my tics,  it only made them worse. I do better when my tics are expressed. Letting it build up is not good for me at all. A lot of times people think I’m doing this on purpose. I don’t know what causes Tourettes Syndrome. Let’s put it this way, I have unintentional behaviors that I don’t plan. It happens and my brains play a big part in the way I react. These neuro-behavioral problems can be caused by not paying attention, hyperactivity, and being impulsive. The guys (disorders) that hang out with me and are associated with me is OCD and ADHD. Even though my buddies know I can suffer from depression and anxiety they still remain to be my friends.

Hey, Catrina Schizophrenia you are up to bat. Tell us about yourself.

Catrina Schizo:

I have some positive symptoms about me.

Nicky NLD:

Is that positive good or positive bad?

Tyrone Tourette:

How can a positive symptom be bad?

Nicky NLD:

Tyrone TS, you are full of your ignorant oil (liquor). You can be HIV Positive, that is not good, and you could be like Catrina Schizophrenia, very delusional and not being able to face reality.

Catrina Schizo:

If you guys let me finish, I’ll tell you the rest.

Tyrone Tourette:

Ahhhhh Yeah Baby, Take us there (too much to drink).

Catrina Schizo:

As long as I take my meds, I’ll do okay. I do have psychotic behavior. Sometimes I lose touch with reality. This can come or go. Right now I’m not the healthiest person.Yes, I do hallucinate. I just really need to keep up with my treatment.

Tyrone Tourette:

I’m hallucinating right now.

Nicky NLD:

Tyrone you have enough green beer and Irish cream Whiskey in you already. I can’t tell you from Catrina Schizo.

Catrina Schizo:

It’s not like that Tyrone. I hear voices. My voices talk to me about the way I’m behaving. My voices order me to do things, alert me to dangers, and my voices can talk to each other.I had been hearing voices for a very long time before my family found out.  Bruce Willis could see people in the movie Sixth Sense. I see people too. I can feel people touching me. I can smell odors that others can”t smell. People try to tell me it’s nothing there but I know for a fact I see objects.

Tyrone Tourette:

You got some skills. Did you take your meds before you came out? You still go to treatment?

Nicky NLD:

Let her finish.

Tyrone Tourette:

Just checking Baby, this is the TS.  I did not want my tics to come out and play.

Catrina Schizo:

I am delusional. Many times people have proven me wrong and showed me what I am believing isn’t true. My delusions can get pretty bizarre. One time I thought Rachel Maddow was broadcasting my thoughts on her  TV program. Chaka Khan was out impersonating me. My boyfriend, Kanye West was mad because my album came out before his. He started cheating on me, then he tried to poison me. I reported him to the police for harassment. He had been spying on me for months.

Tyrone Tourette:

Your mind works like that for real?  Girl, I will trade you my disorder. I hope Jennifer Hudson got over me. I know she got married but she still wants me. Right.

Catrina Schizo:

These are things I believe. It is called delusions of persecution.

Tyrone Tourette:

Wooooh, I think you sobered me up. I have got to keep my eyes on you.

Catrina Schizo:

Sometimes it’s hard organizing my thoughts to make logical sense. I talk nonsensical and in garble. It is hard to understand me. I have thought to block. When I am talking to a person it feels like someone kidnapped my thoughts. You know what, I can even make up meaningless words called neologisms.

Nicky NLD:

I know someone who acts this way.

Tyrone Tourette:

Who?

Nicky NLD:

My girlfriend.

Tyrone Tourette:

Oh Man, you sure you don’t want to crash at my house until you have a talk with your girlfriend?

Nicky NLD:

Thanks for the offer but I can’t prolong what I suspected all the time.

Tyrone Tourette:

The offer stands whenever you are ready.

Catrina Schizo:

I’m not finished. I have body movement that I do over and over when I get agitated but not like yours Tyrone Tourette. Back in the day when there was little treatment, I would be in that catatonic state not responding to others. My main course meal is I hear voices. The negative symptoms are tricky and hard to identify. People mistake them for depressions or other symptoms. It disrupts ones normal emotion and behaviors. You notice how Meridia’s face doesn’t move (flat affect) and her voice is dull. It always seems to be monotone. No matter how hard she tries she never sticks to her planned activities. You have to stick a crowbar in her mouth to force her to speak.  She needs help with everyday tasks and I would constantly get on her about her hygiene. She was a hot mess. I thought she was lazy and trifling but this was all because she is schizophrenic. Nicky NLD you remember Rita?

Nicky NLD:

Yeah, I had a crush on Rosy Cheeks Rita. What happens to her?

Catrina Schizo:

She had some psychological testing. Her working memory wasn’t working. She didn’t have the ability to use information immediately after she learned it. Rita never stayed in focus or paid attention. Rita had problems with understanding the information to make a decision. This is called poor executive functioning. Cognitive symptoms are hard to find unless they are tested for.  These symptoms are understated. It was hard for her to keep a job, lead her life, and she was emotionally stressed out.

Nicky NLD;

That is a lot of information on my homegirl. Hey, can we get to the story now?

Tyrone Tourette:

Yeah, this is the new and improved Clarence Update.  St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March the 17. This is the day that St.Patrick died. We associate this day with the color green,  leprechauns, fairies, shamrocks, snakes, corn beef and cabbage, Irish music, green beer and Irish Creme Whiskey, and of course the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

The Shamrock was a sacred plant that represented the rebirth of spring. The Celts called it a “seamroy”. The shamrock later represented the Irish breaking out and expressing themselves and taking pride in their culture and advocating for rights to be who they are. The English began to take over the Irish land and they didn’t want the Irish to speak their language nor practice their religion, which was Catholicism. The Irish said, “screw this we are wearing our shamrock and since we like the music we are going to sing it to the tune of Kool Moe Dee, How You Like Me Now”.  This pissed Queen Lizzy No.1 off.  Every artist and piper that was Irish got the ax. Nicky NLD you really are going to like this.

The Celts expressed themselves verbally. Since the APA(American Psychiatric Association) won’t open up a community for you this would have been the perfect place.  They rocked the house with their verbal expression of storytelling, singing, and dancing. Their oral culture of religion, history, and their folklore was passed down through the ages.

They got a little depressed but they never stopped singing “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. Since they never gave up, today they’ve got popular bands like the Chieftains, Clancy Brothers, and Tommy Makem. You just keep singing that tune “Hold on I’m Coming” by Sam and Dave.

That story about the snakes was made up. St Patrick didn’t go up on a rock and banish thousands of snakes.  He took his behind up there. He drove his Orkin’s truck and pulled out his Real Kill snake spray gun. The snakes were a metaphor to get rid of the idea of worshiping all those crazy statutes the English worshiped.  Their traditional meal was always cabbage and corn beef.  Corn beef didn’t show up until the turn of the century.  The corned beef got pricy. So the Irish immigrants, now living in New York City on the lower east side, found a way to save money by bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan. They got the hook up from their Jewish neighbors and all went well.  Then you had shorty running around. These were the leprechauns known as “”.

Little dudes with tree stump bodies.  They were so paranoid about their pot of gold. They used voodoo, hoodoo, and doo doo to protect their funds.  The Leprechauns didn’t have anything to do with St. Patrick’s day. Do you see how lies get started?  In 1959 Walt Disney got creative and threw the leprechauns in the mix.  In 1962 Chicago River has become famous for being dyed green on St. Patrick’s Day.  The Irish grew in numbers and became the Green Machine and gain Respect just like Aretha Franklin’s song. They are no longer considered the Drunken Monkeys.

Catrina Schizo:

Can you get me a date with one of those little guys?

Nicky NLD:

See what you did, Tyrone Tourette. You know Catrina Schizo doesn’t need any more false reality in her head.

WARNING: To all those who read this story…  if there is anything in this story that sounds like you,  a friend or a family member, get to a doctor immediately. We don’t want any Shame In Your  Game.

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Superbowl Game Time, Rockin’ the List

For the first time in the forty-year history of the franchise … the NLD’ers.   It has been a painstaking miniseries and a Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure, but it finally paid off.  The fans are quite mystified by the NLD’ers.  They have been around for years but no one has been scoping them out.

Walk with me.  I see Commissioner District.  Commissioner District can you tell me anything about the NLD’ers?  “No, who in the hell are these guys and what spectrum do they come from?”  The Commissioner commented:  “I know about Aspergers and my money on them.”

Aspergers is a tough team to beat.  They are not very sociable.  It is not that making friends and developing relationships don’t matter, but they only hold one special interest.  They go on and on about that interest and people become frustrated and think they are boring or only into themselves.  Well, it won’t be any love lost between the NLD’ers and the Aspies.  There will be no Hollywood hugs and kisses between them.

So, Bobby Tourette, what is the big rivalry between the NLD’ers and the Aspies?   Remember we have kids in the house, just hold the cursing down!  Well, the NLD’ers hold many interests.  They can converse on any topic.  The Aspies think that NLD’ers is the know-it-all.  NLD’ers volume gets pumped up on their vocals and then they’re in your face and in your space.  This is not intentional.  Hey, I get along with the NLD’ers.  The Aspies will let you know they are not interested.  You might as well find someone or something else to do.

Mark Autism you have been in the game for over thirty years.  You know what it is like to be Number #1.  What is your perspective on the game?  Jack PDD-NOS  it is like being at the top of the Billboard’s records chart. This is a very recognizable label.  You know how that works Jack PDD-NOS. Take, for instance, you are a little bit of this and a little of that and not enough to qualify for anyone’s team.  You need a real label.  Dr. Psych.  despises you.  Dude, get rid of the NOS (not otherwise specified) and you can come out and play with the big boys.  People might think you are that NOS caffeine drink.

Andre ADHD pays attention and tries to stay focused on the commentary,  but he can’t put the Munch and Crunch down.  How do you think the NLD’ers will do against the Aspies?  Well, Mark Autism,  this will be a bloodbath.  Right now,  Aspergers is pretty hot under the collar.  Dr. Psych and his followers decided to drop the Aspies off the list and put them down with NOS, of all players.  Do you know this will affect their insurance, state funding, and definitely affect their educations?

We are in for one hell of a game. I don’t know why they would have picked the American Psychiatric Association to moderate the game.  When the Aspies see the APA they are going to go off and start cursing like Bobby Tourette.  They are so focused on the list.  I wonder will they be able to play the game?  Do not mess with the Aspies special interest. The NLD’er just might pull this one-off. They have a lot going on. Winning this game means a lot to the underdog. For the first time in the history of forty years, there will be more testing, state funding, insurance coverage, school reformation, and they will be recognizable. NLD’ers will take their rightful place on the DSMV, hold their trophy in the air and wave it like they just don’t care. Keep your heads to the sky and they will be Rockin’ the List.